I run as fast as my thoughts;
Trying to escape every move, grab and shake to capture me
Because they want me, difference is scary
Like a unfamiliar place
My home is beneath
I live in the shadows, different from the human world
Escape is all I desire, below is like a leeching wither
Will I ever receive relief?
Pushed into corners as a outsider
My body is metal and my motors are electric
One hundred cogs, chips, wires connect to my heart-
To my brain
But I am just as much a part
Of judgement, as above
Unforgiving, you refuse to listen
Blinded by difference, controlled by fear
Like a solider fighting for a cause unknown
My silver shoulders back against the wall
Black Tattoos cover the skin of your home
No disrespect though, for beauty is of your own eye
Beneath there is nothing but metal.
I present my wrists to the man in blue
His face drips with sweat
His eyes show me fear as easily as a mirror
The unknown causes calamity.
The metal cuffs are added to my open arms
Some form of prison,
To me it is reassurance
That difference is devilish
I stare into the man’s deep blue eyes,
My vision light flashes dim.
Our difference kills us
I learn that Above is like a child,
New and Nervous.
well i still write for my creative writing class but not here.
there is simply no time right now for me.
(wow that is one terrible title. haha. I am not good with non vague titles.)
… As i crawled out onto the street i finally let my world slow down and stop spinning just long enough to catch a few breathes. My heart pounded almost out of my chest as i turned to look at the burning image of my home.
My house glowed a dark orange as the fire completely consumed it. I felt all the memories with my mother in the living room, and kitchen burn up to nothing.
Oh how i prayed she would be okay. I looked down at my quivering hands, and wished for my mother to be by my side, her hand in mine. Instead i had to think of her burning up along with all of my memories.
The house raged on into deeper flames. Smoke billowed out of the top windows as i heard firefighters shouting and rushing all around me. My surroundings felt very similar to me, like a nightmare i once had.
The crimson red and bright orange were consuming my mother, and taking me with them. Like stealing candy from a baby she was removed from me so easily by the smoke that now clouded my vision.
I closed my eyes and lied down on the hot concrete. I am stupid. I should pay more attention when im cooking. So stupid.
That is all i remember from that night, looking back. As i stared at my mothers gravestone, i realize i was incredibly foolish to ever think such a thing. As i stared down at the name engraved cleanly into the headstone, i no longer thought about my flaming house or anything at all.
I finally held my mom’s hand; she never left.
“Mother! Please! Run!” I screamed at the tops of my lungs as i saw her face fade away into the thick gray smoke. I never thought this would happen, i was simply making dinner for myself in the oven and fell asleep! I don’t even like roast beef. But who know a simple mistake could cause all of this!
My thoughts left me as my mouth filled with smoke. I coughed and fought hard to get a healthy breath of air into my lungs. The lower level of my house was burning a fiery red and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. I looked into the flames as they nearly blinded me, scared to look back up the stairs to see my mother in despair.
I dropped hard to the wood floors and crawled along the ground beneath the thick cloud of smoke that filled what was left of my home. The fire had enveloped everything, like a disease it ripped through all that we had, completely heartless to our lives and struggle.
I finally reached the smokey door and placed my shaking hand on the knob. My hand heated up instantly and shot off the doorknob like a spring. It was burning red hot. My only exit was through the front door, but i could not even touch the handle without branding the circular shape into my sweaty palm.
I wrapped my shirt around the handle, and placed one sleeve into my mouth and turned the door as i bit down hard to help seduce the pain. It turned stiffly like a prison gate, but finally burst open along with the looming smoke as i tumbled down the front steps.
I gasped for the fresh air, ash littered air in my front yard. I crawled onto the street and closed my eyes.
Mother. Please be okay. Please don’t give in to the heat. You have a strong heart!
If only the fire knew you like i did, then it would never be so heartless.
I am not doing a 365 writing project anymore as i feel it really isn’t helping me, and i have found i do have enough drive in me to write everyday without something like this forcing me too( which was the whole point for me, anyway)
I will still try to post up on here once or twice a week. We will see.
I still plan on trying to get as much writing up as possible, just instead of putting up everything, i will only post what i deem to be worthwhile for someone to read.
Big fail 365, you could say.
I felt the tickle in my arms as they shook a little. I felt the sweat condensate all around my arms and forehead as I grew more and more scared of the answer. Who know the simple words, ‘would you go out with me’ could bring so much pressure. Ours eyes stared, locked, for neither of us wanted to look away to prove we weren’t nervous. Our thoughts leaped over each other like three blind mice racing towards a clock. The only difference was the clock beat slower then a snail to me, all after i muttered those 6 small words. They did not even sound good to me either; coming out like i have had a speech impediment all my life. This was a different kind of impediment, that is for sure. The rush of blood continued all over my body as i felt my hands go numb, and eyes water. I needed an answer. In all of my 14 years of life have i never had so much pressure put upon me before. Like a maniac i threw myself out to her, only hoping she would catch me as i landed.
” Uhh…. Yeah, sure. I’d like that, i uhhh…. guess.”
It took a few seconds for it to sink in for me. Although my mouth opened to speak, i couldn’t spit the words up my throat. My craziness was like a mute; I knew exactly what happened, but my mind simply couldn’t react.
Bye? Bye!? You my friend, are an idiot. But she did say yes! The frog that nearly lept up my throat not even a minute ago now sat calmly, finally wearing a wide smile across it’s face.
Vrooooooooosh. I felt the wind from the energy turbines as the grain carrier floated over me and made the Crysanthium sway left to right. I looked up at the large glowing moon over my head. The sky was a light orangey red and the moon hung low like an eye to the sky. my hair rustled in the wind it struggled to remove my hat from my head, but my drawstring kept it on. I continued to pick the buds off the large stalks i was surrounded by. Without this ladder i would not even be able to see over the huge plants. I placed the ladder down and climber to the top. I breached the level of the highest stalks and scanned the horizon. i could see many workers just like me peeking their bodies out of the sea of Crysanthium. These plants lived off the afternoon glow of the moon and sun combined. The orange sky on our planet was what made it so fertile for growing. Everyone in the nebula wanted a piece of land here.
I looked behind me and saw the large processor for all of the buds in the middle of the field. Many man wearing suits were floating in the air, attached to the processor by tubes. It was their job to make sure everything ran smoothly and cilvily. If only it was always that civil.
The farm hands here only love their job for one reason - the prestige of being a part of a crysanthium operation. For many years the buds of the crysanthium plant were seen as a magical substance, which had many neurotoxins to fight and gnaw away at bad feelings and leave only the happy.
And the fews! Nothing was more beautiful then the vast ocean of crysanthiums that would grow in oval patches checkerboarded across the fields. The short period of time for harvesting while the sun went down made for a beautiful full moon and tangerine sky. Nothing was better or more beautiful.
Another low flight Tiller glided by, Green beam surfing over the plants, trimming away the bad male stems and flowers. I snapped out of my trance as i dropped down my ladder and continued to pick.
(inspired by this image:
This love i have consumes me whole. It helps me when i am lost or down, it fills me when im empty. The love you give me is like a lantern. I hold the lantern in front of me as it brightens the dark. I walk through the dark without fear, knowing that every step i take i have my love to guide me. My Lantern will never go out, and brighten the darkest days as well as the brightest. It shines above all, and glistens and shimmers. You lit my lantern with this love.
if i have nothing to say tonight, i have nothing to say.
It was a rough night tonight.
I will write something real nice for you tommorow with my day off work (sorta)
Every time I close my eyes i am teleported to a new world, undiscovered to me like another existence. Another chance. I have grown so fond of this new place i often never want to leave. I completely control where i go, and it is better of course then my real life.
But i’m getting ahead of myself. You don’t understand everything yet. I only enjoy dreaming so much because that is when i actually have control. I have the ability to lucid dream and feel everything like i was just born again. Things i would never dream of come easily to me while i live my second life.
If only i had that kind of control in my real life. I have a sleeping sickness, my life is consumed by my desire for the 8 hours where i lay in my bed.. Everything comes naturally then. When life is too much for me, i know where to go.
And life has been too much, as of lately.
will continue tomorrow or soon
again, im tired.
starting to question a 365 day project is a right idea for writing. but i will do it anyway, can’t hurt.
From where does one draw inspiration?
Friends, Family, Events around them- Those are the obvious answers. People draw their very basis of inspiration from these things. The rest of their inspiration, however, is drawn without them even noticing. It is taken from the emotions of the people they talk too, the way they see themselves when they look in the mirror, the negativity around them. The weather.
I draw my inspiration from my desire to succeed. I know many people will obviously think i’m a terrible writer. Alright. Works for me. You only make it my goal to change your views and prove to you i can write something enjoyable to read even in the slightest. I do it for you, so you can do it for me.
Creativity, on the other hand, nobody needs to draw from anywhere. Everyone is given there own amount of creativity with birth. Everyone has the ability to be creative, just in different ways. We all have creativity, just to a modern person’s eye some looks prettier then others, like a skinny girl instead of a fat chick. I am completley comfortable with my creativity. I feel like i can control it anyway i please.
I just need to start filling the tank with more rooted inspiration to fuel the creativity I know i have.
I need to do it for me, the passion needs to be there.
The passion is the engine.
it circles dark
like a shadow black
Menacing like the night
fangs glowing hot white
like an archer, my eyes are shot
with a glance of his brooding
nothing can save me from the
the wolf has already won
by being the shadow i see at
(UGGGGGGGH BRAINCLOG TONIGHT)
Bloop. Bloop. Bloop. Beep. Bloop. Bloop. Bloop. Beep.
As I lay in my bed all I could do is but listen to the little bloops and beeps as they pierced through the silence. The sounds bounced around the crudely painted white walls of my room like bugs flying, but these bugs were different. These bugs were the ones that told me if i was living or had finally kicked the bucket.
They came from the tube that was attached through the veins in my left arm, which monitered the speed of my heart beat constantly. I felt like a robot, or a prisoner tied to this bed by my desire to live.
Bloop. Bloop. Bloop. Beep. Bloop. Bloop. Beep. Beep.
I think the worst thing about it was i had no idea what had happened to me. All i remembered was gazing down at my phone from the front seat of my mom’s sedan as i received that dreaded text: ‘Were through.’ . But that wasn’t my problem, i’m better off this way anyway. Sort of ironic though, that i say that as i lay here staring at the white walls listening to my own heart.
Bloop. Bloop. Bloop. Beep. Bloop. Beep. Beep. Beep.
My mother is an amazing person. I thought about all she had done for me as i glanced over at her lifeless body in the bed beside me. She was in a coma, i figured. Who knew when she would break free. But i knew she would. She had too. She always did. She was my amazing mother.
Bloop. Bloop. Bloop. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
I was in incredible pain. I looked over at my father as he rested his face in the palms of his hands, completely distraught by the emotions that were quickly consuming him. I loved my dad, and felt for him in this tough time. Nothing he did could help anymore, he just wanted what was best for me and my mother.
Bloop. Bloop. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beeeeeep.
I closed my eyes, hiding me from the cold room where i laid. I felt my senses center in on my complete pain, as i stared down at my lack of legs and severely bruised body. The doctor told me i had broken 5 ribs, which had punctured many internal organs. The cost of the surgery was almost insane, and my mother’s only worse. My dad sunk deeper into his palms.
Bloop. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beeep. Beeeeep.
“I love you dad. Don’t feel bad. your my hero for this, the strongest man in the world. Tell mom I love her.”
At this point i finally felt the anesthetics take effect as i my eyes slowly drifted shut for the last time. I knew what was happening. I heard the bloops and the beeps as they echoed and rebounded across the white walls. I only wish my mother was happy with my decision and her surgery turns out well, for I do love her. If i could fight through this pain i would, but I am not as strong at my father, and I cannot live with no legs, never mind never leaving this room.
Beep. Beep. Beeep. Beep. Beeeeep. Beeeeeeeep. Beeeeeeee—
…I felt my body erupt in a sense of feeling. I was scared of what was happening to me, but knowing all of my friends were feeling the same helped me relax. I felt as if i was seeing life in slow motion. Everything i saw had more meaning to me, and like an artist i saw this differently then everyone else. I saw the meaning of things i had never seen before. I felt like i was reborn, like the herb had gave me a new set of eyes to see my beautiful world with.
“Hey buddy, how ya feelin? Pretty effin great eh bro!” said Glen to me, as he stared at me through squinted red eyes. I snapped out of my trance and looked over at his face. He resembled the Cheshire cat from Alice and the looking glass, which a large, toothy grin stretching from cheek to cheek. It smile and silly voice made me burst into laughter. I felt my body shake as i laughed harder then i ever had before. Oh my god that is funny! I am having so much fun! I laughed hard for five minutes, and then was soon joined by my friends in the laughter.
I felt like i was watching the funniest movie ever, and me and my friends were the stars. I had trouble forming my sentences as my thoughts leaped over each other and chased the exit to let their voices be heard. I began to look at the television, where my friends were playing Halo. The colours stuck out to me; blue, red, yellow. The action looked so intense, like i was watching it live as it happened, before my eyes. I lifted my arms up from the couch and moved my fingers. I felt like i my arms were robotic and i was just using them for the first time. They did as i told them, but with so much more purpose then before. I placed them back on to the couch and closed my eyes.
I had found the fun through the fear. I played with my desires and got something i had never even dreamed of happening. My eyes were opened to a new experience that was so desperately attempted to be hidden by my parents, school, and town. I could not feel more alive then i did right now. This was incredible, i could not stop thinking about how awesome it was!
Only four words could make it to the exit of my mind, as the rest stumbled and fought for release; Woah, this is awesome.